Born 1991 in Donetsk. Works on graphics and painting.
We just have to live
Sergey Simutin
Ignition
Who are we? A bunch of little monkeys. What are we afraid of? Something that none of us have ever seen. We are afraid of abstraction. If you look objectively at all of humanity, then at some point everyone got scared of something and hid in their homes. I f some giant looked at it from above, he would not understand, he would not see what they were afraid of. It’s all like in some kind of scary movie. One day, we decided to take a walk with my wife in an empty park. There was a thick fog. There were no people around. A huge, whole park that served as an emotional battery for the “tribe.” There is no one here now. Only fog. Silence. And the hum of some kind of siren, more reminiscent of the rumble of aliens from the “War of the Worlds”. It seemed just about and a huge monster with long legs would come out of the fog and take to his cold world. It became very scary. We went home. To the den. Into our emotional abstraction, which we have awarded with invisible power. An abstraction of bricks and whitewash that protected us from all bad things. From bad thoughts, from bad emotions. The world around him seemed very dangerous. Fear that there will be no more work. It seemed that our profession would no longer exist. All clients are in the sphere of entertainment – restaurants, cafes. And why are they needed now. Now the comfort and coziness were created by the delivery men with yellow backpacks. Fear of losing loved ones. I thought about it all the time. I thought about how I would be myself with the child. Thought over a plan, options. I thought about how Father raised my sister and me without my mother. I understand how hard it was for him. But I didn’t understand at all how I could become a good father if something happened to my wife. And if with a child. How can we survive this? How can we handle it? Where to go, where to run from these problems? Everything is closed, even the doors of the apartment! What if I die? I hope my wife can find someone for herself. I think she has someone in mind. I think for the first time we were able to save enough money that would be enough for them. It is difficult to count on the distant future, but I believe in them. These thoughts kept me awake. I had to work out a schedule. Go to bed at 10. Fall asleep at 11, to the sound of a boring audiobook. It all started so unexpectedly. Nobody was prepared. There were no field trials, no one had to stay at home for a month, except for those people who had already lived for years. But even these people were now forced to sit absolutely without getting out. The social connections of the monkeys are so strong that the panic grew faster than the disease itself. Only 3 people a day. This figure caused the most terrible thoughts. What if one of us? What if the neighbours? We listened to the silence of the walls. We listened carefully to see if someone was coughing? The walls will protect us. In the morning, someone was making noise outside the door. This is a cleaning lady who soaped everything with a special product. But even she was alarming. I had to reassure myself with something. There were not enough ways other than Instagram and Netflix. And who taught us not to work during the day. Feeling awkward that you don’t need anywhere. The feeling of a constant day off caused the same anxiety as everything around. Looking out the window, I could only see the empty playground and the tape, which had already broken off and was walking in the gusts of wind. It was necessary to kill somehow the days, minutes of existence. Before that, I only worked with my hands. Sometimes I did something at the computer. Now I had to sit at him constantly. From childhood, weak eyes began to weaken even faster, and very quickly I had to abandon this venture. What could you do in a small apartment in which you can’t retire anywhere? I started looking for something to do. All thoughts and ideas were directed towards creation. I took the adhesive tape and started creating. We needed a person who would get food. Of all three family members, I was the least sorry. The wife has diabetes and is in the most severe risk group. And the child is 3 years old. He can’t handle two 10kg bags. And you won’t be able to persuade the seller to sell him some wine either. I was chosen. I never went shopping except for delicious tea. I had to learn a new skill. At first, my checks were 1000 hryvnyas. But my wife managed to buy on 500. Now, like a real breadwinner, I scoured the supermarket in the thinning crowds of the same zombies, looking for cheaper barley. Products were imperceptibly, but more expensive I certainly would not have noticed if my wife did not say this every time. Days passed, hours, seconds. The days seemed very short. I didn’t want to wake up. The habit of waking up early did not leave me. And I was lying for hours sticking in videos. I got up lazily, played with Lego. I drew, dined, watched a film, drew more, went to bed. Ripped, cut everything that was drawn. Pieces of colored paper were scattered throughout the apartment. Somehow the way of life was adjusted. We sat with the child by the clock. We read books in turn. We started looking for more interesting films. We even watched “Kaydasheva’s family” We decided not to drink often. I ordered a new paper by courier by New mail. I began to put the pieces back on the paper. Spring was coming. Everything slowly came to its senses. The leaves were green. The queues in the store got bigger. We began to sit on the balcony for hours. 50 days. People started to appear on the streets. Mothers with children were sitting around the playground. It was decided to go outside. It turned out that there were a lot of people around. Everyone was already walking around the city. Shops and coffee shops were open. Almost no one wore masks. The transport was launched in 2 weeks. Life………. It was not yet the same as today.
Silence.
The cold spring wind pulls the kite off the ground. I stand in the evening gloom, staring at the clouds burning in the rays of the setting sun. New quarantine. New lockdown. A little over a year has passed since the first quarantine. A little more than a year, we are separated by a state of complete instability and panic from calmness and peace. After a cold winter, a financial crisis, and moving back to the village, it has only been over a year. Who would have thought then that it would take so long. The wind dies down and the kite smoothly descends to the ground. A year of torment, doubt, and immersion in oneself. A year of creative suffering, crisis, pain and acceptance. Illness, poisoning, vision problems. Just a year…. How many masks were demolished in a year? You carefully put them in your poket, and when it started to smell, you washed it. And put it back in the pocket. I forgot to put it on and accidentally entered the subway without a mask, where everyone turned around with anxious look. And at the entrance, a loudspeaker was broadcasting: “Please, put on the mask. Don’t put yourself and others in danger ” Rumors about payments to all comers. Faded yellow distance stripes. Just a year. The kite fell. Accelerating running down the hill. «Daddy, launch” I coped with linocut. I started to draw graphics. Graphics is a long and tedious process. Concentration is needed here. You need to focus on the subject. When you cut it out, it is like meditation. You think of nothing but a cutter and linoleum. A pile of shavings, the hand hurts. Coped with audiobooks. Now there is a time for books that I have wanted to read for a long time. Dawkins, Abramovich, Varlam Shalamov. Varlam Shalamov. I read the «Kolyma stories». Нe would laugh at such a crisis. Pooping under the supervision of an overseer in the bottomhole cave is not a mask for you to wear on the bus. Began to walk more. Began to walk further. Went hiking. Loved jogging. Long walks. Loved Camembert and wine. Again a gust of wind lifted the kite to the height. Quickly fingering with your fingers, unwinding the thread in order to grab the air flow higher. A year to start speaking Ukrainian. Write. Draw wires. A year of creative experimentation. A year almost not see friends. Began collecting graphics from other artists. I met with old acquaintances. In the evenings walk to Aroma Coffee for tea and cheesecake. Day trips for hot dogs in “Family Bakery”. Long trips to the village for weekends and holidays. Loved to cut paper. I fell in love with printing. Unsubscribed from Netflix, I-Tunes, Bookmate. It got dark, the kite didn’t want to fall. Gusts of wind forced him to stay in one place. He began to wind up the rope. A year to rethink everything. A year of acceptance and reassurance. A year of nervous breakdowns brought calmness. The loss of smell for a couple of months sharply made it clear how important it is to be here and now. Enjoy the little things. Breathe deeply. Play with toys, fold Lego, eat ice cream, and watch TV shows. Life is here. It is now. Run somewhere? Where? After all, everything is closed. Again. We just have to live. There may be no tomorrow. Tomorrow this feeling of carelessness may disappear without a trace, and it will be replaced by … .. The kite was in my hand, the other hand was clasped by a small hand that was always slipping away. “Dad, I want tea. With cookies. Yes. Uh-huh … « It’s already dark and cold. When I go home I’ll put the kettle on. And sitting by the window I will peer into the twilight of the passing day. Maybe tomorrow it won’t be … .. Online shopping by phone near the store.
#365daysafter art project