Zorana Unković

The pandemic has caused a series of HUGE changes in my personal and professional life and all of that reflected greatly on my work (in a positive way).

My personal story starts when, as a child at a very early age of nine, I started suffering from clinical depression and anxiety. It was an unbearable burden on me and my family to see me decay into despair and nothingness for most of my life. I was suicidal, self destructive and had zero hope. I was a hypersensitive child and adult.

Art was always my only way to release my emotions. Drawing, painting, writing. Despite all therapy, every possible way I could try and help myself and even good periods when I would feel well, depression would always find it’s way back into my life. Getting well was a slow and extremely hard process. I suffered with feelings of worthiness, on a human level as well as an artist. I felt trapped and scared of life.

All until the pandemic! It started to get serious in Croatia at the end of February 2020. I was locked away in my apartment, scared of what was happening, scared for my life and the life of my closest family and friends. I felt helpless and lost. That is when depression hit hard. I got in bed and didn’t get up for a week straight. After a couple of days of despair, I started battling my demons. For some reason, something within me snapped as I realized what is it that I needed to do to get better.

I need to be honest! Honest with myself, with all my best and my worst, with everything I wanted to go away, to hide from the world, from my loved ones, all that I was ashamed of. I needed to be unapologetically myself in order to love myself and to finally feel better. That is when everything turned upside down!

After a week in bed, not eating, barely drinking-I got up! I finally got up and decided to take my life into my own hands and stop being afraid! At the age of 31 I finally started living!

I decided I wanted to use my art, to merge all that is mine and all that I have to say and give back to the world. I started writing about and painted my demons, my emotions, my truth! My studio finally became my safe space to express myself. I decided I will tell the whole world my story, hoping that I will reach at least a couple of souls that need to hear what I have to say.

And I have so much to say. I have lived with an unbearable sadness most of my life. Drowned in fear, anger, helplessness, despair, bitterness and loathed myself and the fact that I am alive. Now, a year and three months later, I am a new person. Grateful for life, filled with love and acceptance, finally living! I know it sounds like something that doesn’t go hand in hand with the pandemic, but this was the greatest gift life has given me.

I finally reached the bottom and started climbing up.

I finally became my best friend and my art is the greatest weapon I can use to show the world that there is hope! For all of us!

"Where are you going? 
Here, within me. 
To the most beautiful place I know. 
Where all the love I have stored for myself lives. 
Just like when, as a child, I used to fill my pockets to their brims with the most beautiful pebbles from the beach.
 Then, I would admire every stone with awe and care, just like I do that love I filled my pockets with. 
When in need I return to love, I return to it's embrace. 
To shower myself with softness, 
to fall in love with myself. 
To remind myself of my safe place to which I can always return. 
Where I'm always welcome, 
where the right words await me that interrupt stray thoughts. 
Where I have permission to cry. 
Where I can take off my shoes and walk barefoot, 
Where can I wear my favorite pajamas that time has already bitten countless holes in. 
And just like that, so clumsily and childish, 
dance the dance of life's ups and downs. ”